Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
