so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
