Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
