Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
