I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
