I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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