If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
