just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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