sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
