guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
