I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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