I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
