Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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