He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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