giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
