My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
