I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
