Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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