The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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