he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
