Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize