I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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