so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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