Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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