Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
