thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Alive.
So much puke
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
