I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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