is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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