Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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