we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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