He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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