i already hear my dad disowning me
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
