I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize