I love black thongs
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
