her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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