Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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