Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
