HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
