I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
