I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
