Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
