Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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