I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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