I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
