You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
