Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Duck Duck Cougar?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
