No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
