I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
