i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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