Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
