Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So vagazzling was a success
did i just pee glitter
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
