he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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