Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
