New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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