The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
