How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
