I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
