so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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