she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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