He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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