i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
