fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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