and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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