Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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