my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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