i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize