So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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