I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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