If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize