i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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