he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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