Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
